Everyman's Fantasy

New Rule: While it is good to be confident, over-hyping your own team can be more detrimental than good.

I know it’s early and my overreaction is similar to one of Beiler’s infantile tantrums after a first inning strike out by Ibanez, but I’m a little worried about the BlankaXpress. Even though I came out victorious, I deserve to be ridiculed more than any other owner in this league.

The main thing that made me angry was the fact that my team was supposed to annihilate Chill’s miserable squad. Instead, I had to stay up until one in the morning watching a horrible game (maybe I was really tired) and suffer through with every ball not thrown to Vincent Jackson.

My team made me look foolish. I had big time players going against shaky defenses and the numbers they put up made my last post sound disastrous. Allow me to summarize:

Boldin: You put up 1.9 points against the 49ers. Someone please refresh my memory, but last time I checked the 49ers didn’t have a good number one CB. You got shut down by their number two. Are you kidding me? You should be able to dominate that defense with one leg. I expected you to make me regret not pulling the trigger on Roddy White in the off-season; I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

Slaton: I will show some respect for Chill’s once again over hyped J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets and say that Rex Ryan is simply a defensive genius. I am sure he spent numerous days at the VET watching his father build the best defense in the league for years. I am sure he also saw them lose every playoff game, which is where he is headed as a head coach. Enjoy him Chill; I am sure you are going to love having one of the best defenses in the league (anything to forget the dreadful Brett Favre debacle).

As for Mr. Everything (the only man who could make an Amish boy show a remote sign of intelligence) I am not mad that you didn’t put up good numbers, but at least take care of the football. You had one good play and it ended on a fumble. Your nickname was the only thing people actually bought out of my last post and you ruined that in a week. The only thing that makes me not hate you more is the fact that our league drafts so poorly that I got to draft the person I wanted anyway.

Steve Smith: I really want to be upset with you but your quarterback is Jake Delhomme. I guess nobody told him that the playoffs were over and he could once again start throwing to the guys in blue (or is it turquoise)? Plus, you got spanked by the best defense in the league and should be proud you even caught a pass. To think that AJ Feely could be my savior this year is not a very warm feeling.

Qb’s (Cutler and Schuab) - This is where things really got bad. I spent about an hour finding reasons why my combination of quarterbacks would be just as good as Brees. You two bums together didn’t get half of his points.
Here are some of the QBs who scored more points than you two nauseating wastes of space: Eli Manning, Brady Quinn, Shaun Hill, Mark Sanchez, Kyle Orton, Leftwhich and Brodie Croyle. Watching Cutler throw last night was almost as pathetic as watching Dave’s team score an astounding 48 points.

AP- Obviously I am not angry with Mr. Purple Jesus, but I have to mention this story. While on a trip with my soccer team (we are 0-6 and I am starting to think that my schedule is a little out of my league) in the incredible town of Hackettstown, NJ, where the line outside the only decent restaurant was extending around an entire block, I decided to fight the unpleasant odor and go for a walk. While walking I had a brief exchange of words with my Amish friend Beiler. I sent him a text message with my projected AP stats against the tremendous Browns defense. I was very modest and said: 110 yds and 2 Tds. The Amish simply replied with a snobbish HAHAHAHA. Well I ask you guys to please quote me (again) on this: AP will end up with 2050 yds and 18 Tds.

As you can see, nobody is safe from the “New Rule”. So, while setting your line ups, making your pick ups, or simply writing a controversial post, please do not forget to actually use some common sense. I obliviously did not and paid a hefty price.

Finally, I want to apologize for talking so much shit on Bryan for trading Forte for Jones. I suppose he had a vision during his week long stint in jail and was able to prophesize the future (at least for week 1).

You can’t handle “THE TRUTH”