Everyman's Fantasy

After a long weekend in Rome watching the Baseball World Cup and consuming large amounts of pizza followed by another long weekend in Munich watching girls dressed in dirndls and consuming large amounts of Bavarian hops, I'm finally back on the blogging wagon. My Switzerland experiment ends in three days, and once back in the States, I'll be able to watch sports at normal hours of the day and on a real television, so prepare yourself for the onslaught of knowledge that will be coming your way.

With the season a quarter of the way over for most NFL teams, this week's power rankings are complete with an interesting, humorous, or ridiculous stat for each team that may or may not have helped shape their season so far. In parenthesis are the team's rankings from two weeks ago, since last week at this time I was awash in a haze of liter beers, pretzels bigger than my head, the world's best chicken, and enough cleavage to turn Mike Piazza straight. PROST!

Rising: New England, (Bucky the) Broncos, Bungles, Jags, Dee-troit
Falling: (not so)Super Chargers, Dallas, B-Lo, Zona, Music City

1.New Orleans (two weeks ago: 1)- Imagine if the day after the 2006 draft, I would have told you that in 2009 Darren Sharper would have twice as many touchdowns as Reggie Bush. You would have believed me, right?

2.Indianapolis (4)- If Dallas Clark continues his current pace, his 1,456 receiving yards would smash the current record for tight ends.

3.NY Giants (3)- Steve Smith, projected totals: 136 catches, 1644 yards, 16 touchdowns.

4.New England (9)- Laurence Maroney has 78 yards rushing. In 4 games.

5.Batimore (2)- Willis McGahee has more score more offensive touchdowns than eight teams this season: Oakland, Carolina, Cleveland, St. Louis, Arizona, Washington, and Buffalo.

6.Minnesota (10)- The Vikings leading receiver? Back-up running back Chester Taylor, with 18.

7.NY Jets (5)- Backup quarterback/converted wide receiver Brad Smith has more yards (42 to 23) and as many carries (4) as prized rookie Shonn Greene.

8.Denver (20)- Kyle Orton being Kyle Orton: not a lot of touchdowns (5 through 4 games) but no mistakes (0 turnovers).

9.Atlanta (6)- The heavier workload promised for Jerious Norwood? Not this year. Only three carries and five receptions in three games.

10. Philadelphia (14)- Good riddance LJ, hello Brent! Celek has 22 catches (10 more than any other Eagle), 245 yards, and 2 touchdowns, which puts him on pace for 117, 1307, and 11.

11.Cincinnatti (18)- With 367 yards, Cedric Benson is already almost halfway to his career-best (747 in 2008). And it only took him five years to figure out how to be an NFL running back!

12.San Francisco (11)- How big is the Michael Crabtree signing? Niners receivers have only caught 26 passes in four games, which is just over 6 per game.

13.Chicago (21)- Do I have to like Chicago? No. But do I have to finally recognize that they are a decent football team? I guess so. Cutler has spread the ball very democratically, with five Bears players already having 10 or more catches: Johnny Knox (15), Earl Bennett (14), Devin Hester (14), Matt Forte (13), Greg Olsen (10).

14.Green Bay (15)- Not necessarily known for his running ability, Aaron Rodgers in on pace for 416 rushing yards. Mostly out of neccessity, which is a bad thing for the Pack.

15.Pittsburgh (13)- Hines Ward has more receptions (26) and yards (355) than any other player wihtout a touchdown catch this season.

16.San Diego (7)- It would be impossible to imagine two years ago, but a team with LT has the worst rushing offense in the league, averaging a paltry 53.8 yards per game on the ground. The once incomparable LT has only 70 rushing yards for the whole season!

17.Dallas (10)- Felix Jones is picking up right where he left off last season, averaging an amazing 10.1 yards per carry (and then getting hurt).

18.Arizona (12)- The dynamic duo has yet to break out this season, with Fitzgerald averaging only 5.5 catches and 60 yards a game and Boldin averaging 5 and 57.

19.Jacksonville (27)- His name is Mike Sims-Walker. He played at Central Florida. And no, I had never heard of him before this season. But with 19 catches, 278 yards, and 3 touchdowns already, everyone has heard of him now.

20.Houston (17)- Where have you gone, Steve Slaton? A 3.3 yards per carry average and one touchdown? Good thing Chris Brown is the only backup the Texans have.

21. Miami (19)- Talk about a dink and dunk offense. Not a single player with multiple receptions is averaging over 9.9 yards per reception, including speedster Ted Ginn Jr., whose game log reads: 2 receptions, 0 receptions, 11 receptions, 1 reception.

22. Buffalo (16)- Who needs Marshawn? Fred Jackson leads Buffalo in rushing yards, receiving yards, receptions and receiving touchdowns and is second in the NFL in yards from scrimmage.

23. Seattle (22)- Surprisingly, Seattle leads the NFL in pass completions as a team, which would explain why it is the only team to have three players with 20 or more catches: Nate Burleson (24), TJ Houshmanzadeh (22) and John Carlson (20).

24. Detroit (31)- The only stat that matters in Detroit...1 win!

25. Carolina (25)- Jake Delhomme continues to be a trainwreck. He has three and a half times more interceptions than touchdown passes this season and a passer rating of 54.3...

26. Oakland (24)- ...which would be the lowest in the league for any starter except that Oakland continues to employ JaMarcus Russell. Russell has only one touchdown pass this year against 4 interceptions, but that isn't the worst part. In four games, he has a completion percentage of 39.8%, and has already had games of 12-30, 7-24, and 12-33. In the one game where he had a completion percentage of over 50% (12-21), he threw for only 61 yards and had two interceptions.

27. Washington (26)- Chris Cooley becomes the fourth white tight end to get a mention in this column, and with good reason. His 22 receptions lead the team, and he is second in receiving yards (254) and tied for the lead in receiving touchdowns.

28. Tennessee (23)- At this time last year, Fat LenDale had 5 touchdowns. This season, LenDale Light has only 1.

29. Tampa Bay (28)- It doesn't matter who is at quarterback for the Bucs, their passing offense has been atrocious. Only two players have over 8 catches, tight end Kellen Winslow (17) and running back Cadillac Williams (12). Their wideouts have combined for 18 receptions. ALL SEASON!

30.Kansas City (29)- Has a player ever been given the ball more and continued to fail to produce? Larry Johnson's 72 carries have him tied for sixth in the league in attempts, yet his 189 yards have him ranked 31st and his 2.6 yards per carry rank last.

31.Cleveland (31)- The only two players to catch touchdown passes for the Browns this year: starting tight end Robert Royal and 33 year old South Dakota State product Steve Heiden, who can best be described as a back-up, back-up tight end.

32. St. Louis (30)- Only three players ON THE WHOLE TEAM have scored a point for the Rams this season; back-up tight end Daniel Fells, who has 2 touchdowns on 4 catches, kicker Josh Brown, who has three extra points and one field goal, and wideout Laurent Robinson, who is now on the IR.